Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas

As I have sat and thought about the events that have taken place in my life this past year, I feel an overwhelming amount of love. I feel the love of my Savior Jesus Christ, my husband, my wonderful children, my parents, family members, and friends.

When Jim lost his job in November I felt dread and gloom. I felt sorry for myself, and felt like curling up in a ball and crying until this all passed. Why did this have to happen, why us, now what, how will we survive? All thoughts that I dwelled on. All around me was others that shared their misfortunes..."we were out of work for a year", "the construction industry has never been so bad" "we had to walk away from our house when we lost our job". Doom and Gloom.

To make matters worse, the holidays were quickly approaching. I did not feel very thankful as Thanksgiving came. I tried; I even started posts here that had me listing things I was thankful for. As my good friend pointed out to didn't even last the week with things you are thankful for. My heart was not in it.

Thanksgiving Day came and brought visitors. Joe and Cindy! Cindy brings a breath of fresh air with her everywhere she goes. We had a lovely time, and my heart was lifted. We were also blessed by a couple of friends from work with gift cards to take care of thanksgiving dinner. I felt that God was aware of me...through others he blessed us.

After the long weekend, December grew closer and closer. Dallas came home from work stating that a co-worker also works for the fire department. They were going to place our family on the list to receive help with gifts for the kids. I felt blessed and relieved. Everything would be okay.

A couple of weeks later, Dallas informed me that the fire department was not able to help any more families. There are so many in need, so many out of work and unable to provide Christmas for their families. My heart sunk and I thought about Christmas morning. Would the kids understand, would they be okay with a much smaller Christmas?

My 8 year old told me time and time again, that it didn't matter if Dad was out of work, Santa brings the presents anyway. I know as she said these words she was looking for reassurance that Christmas would be the same. That, she would be surprised as she woke up Christmas morning, and saw that Santa had found his way to our home.

Thinking about the disappointment added to my stress, I felt myself falling deeper into the poor me black hole.

I had heard these saying many times..."God never gives us trials without sending us a friend to see us through" "It is through others that God takes care of our needs".

What we experienced next has left me with no doubt that God is aware of me and my family. He loves us, and knows our limits and our needs.

My sister in-law contacted me to let me know that the cousins would be taking care of my children for Christmas. Instead of exchanging gifts this year, they were sending them to their Arizona cousins. I was also given a few things from the school, many had opened up their hearts to help others, and we were given a few items to put under the tree.

Through out the week, many surprises were left at our door. Cards and letters arrived in the mail with words of love, and support. Help came from those that love us.

I have been so overwhelmed, and full of JOY! Christmas really is not about what is going to be under the tree. Christmas isn't about the lights, or the decorations. Christmas is about a baby boy that was born in a manager, those many nights ago. Christmas is about listening to the whisperings of the spirit, and being his hands for someone else.

Perhaps, it was my heart that needed to be softened. Perhaps my loving Heavenly Father knew that in order to do this, it had to hurt a little bit. I have been humbled. I have been overwhelmed with the knowledge that my heavenly father loves me. He is aware of our situation, he sent angels to bless us.

My Christmas wish is that each of you has felt the true meaning of Christmas this year. I know without a doubt that Jesus is the Christ. The he lives, and we will live with him again. I am blessed beyond words. I can never repay the debt, but hope to one day try.


Becky said...

This made me cry Jane. You are loved. We love you. Thank you for sharing this and Merry Christmas to you.

Char @ Crap I've Made said...

Merry Christmas, Janer!

Love you!

Cheela said...

When times are tough, it is amazing what others can do. Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you and your family!

Sabra said...

Merry Christmas, Jane. Your posts always uplift me.