Thursday, March 30, 2006

Inspiration Meter

Have you ever wondered if your meter was working ? Have you ever felt like you are not receiving any inspiration, no matter how hard you are trying? Or have you felt like you were being inspired, only to find out circumstances change out of your control and what you thought was inspiration, is not longer even an option?

Seven months ago we moved from Utah, to Sunny Arizona. This was not an easy decision to make. We agonized over this decision, we fasted and prayed, we sought refuge at the Temple where we knew our prayers were answered, and we decided to move. We knew it was going to be hard to leave our family and friends. We had roots, that after 13 years had grown quiet deep. But, for several reasons we felt that it was going to be a good thing for our family to move to Arizona.

After all was said and done, we packed up our little family and arrived in Arizona. Since we have been here, there has been many decisions that we've had to make. And time and time again, I have felt like I am not getting any answers. Or when I make a decision, suddendly the options have changed. We have found this with choices we've had to make about where to live, what schools are the best match for our children, what ward will be the best fit for all of us.
To put it mildly, I feel confused, I feel abandoned at times. I feel frustrated, and to top it all off...I am homesick.
I know we are here for a reason. I just wish my inspiration that I rely on so much, didn't seem to be so clouded all the time.

I do know one thing...And that is my love for my husband has increased immensely. As he puts up with my inability to make a decision, to put up with my feelings of feeling good one day about something, and awful about it the next. But above all that, is his willingness to make difficult phone calls when I change my mind for no other reason than, it just doesn't feel right any longer.

If I could just get that meter working, it would make it a lot easier for both of us.

But where would the growth be in that?


Jane said...

Well, all I had to do was look at my horoscope. Here is what it says today.

February 18 - March 19
Your engine may sputter and jolt this morning as the gears begin to turn within you, dear Pisces. It could be that you are working out some important things in you mind that are helping you bring clarity to your emotions. The answer you seek is probably nothing like the one you will find. By the time night rolls around, you will have everything figured out, and all the answers you need will be right there in front of you.

Meemer said...

I think we all go throught that. I think it is part of our testimony. Sometimes you just have to do it. Whatever you decide, it will be okay.

Lei said...

I can relate to this post on oh so many levels, Jane! Good to see you on screen again!

Amber said...

ROFL!! OF COURSE your horoscope would have the answers! You should have checked there first! ;)

I hope you start getting some answers soon. Maybe you overshot and you should have moved to Vegas? ;)