Inspiration Meter

Have you ever wondered if your meter was working ? Have you ever felt like you are not receiving any inspiration, no matter how hard you are trying? Or have you felt like you were being inspired, only to find out circumstances change out of your control and what you thought was inspiration, is not longer even an option?

Seven months ago we moved from Utah, to Sunny Arizona. This was not an easy decision to make. We agonized over this decision, we fasted and prayed, we sought refuge at the Temple where we knew our prayers were answered, and we decided to move. We knew it was going to be hard to leave our family and friends. We had roots, that after 13 years had grown quiet deep. But, for several reasons we felt that it was going to be a good thing for our family to move to Arizona.

After all was said and done, we packed up our little family and arrived in Arizona. Since we have been here, there has been many decisions that we've had to make. And time and time again, I have felt like I am not getting any answers. Or when I make a decision, suddendly the options have changed. We have found this with choices we've had to make about where to live, what schools are the best match for our children, what ward will be the best fit for all of us.
To put it mildly, I feel confused, I feel abandoned at times. I feel frustrated, and to top it all off...I am homesick.
I know we are here for a reason. I just wish my inspiration that I rely on so much, didn't seem to be so clouded all the time.

I do know one thing...And that is my love for my husband has increased immensely. As he puts up with my inability to make a decision, to put up with my feelings of feeling good one day about something, and awful about it the next. But above all that, is his willingness to make difficult phone calls when I change my mind for no other reason than, it just doesn't feel right any longer.

If I could just get that meter working, it would make it a lot easier for both of us.

But where would the growth be in that?